Prom is only 2 days away. I picked up my dress. It looks pretty good on me..especially since ive lost 12 pounds since I bought it.

Today in gov. this chick was talking about how when she ate something she threw it up b.c she wanted to make sure she fit in her dress. She was sitting there blatantly bragging about it! I was so pissed off. I fought with that disease for over 6 months....and im gonna have to face it for the rest of my life.

Food. I remember when I was mia that I was like ha ha ha i can eat anything and not gain weight cuz ill throw it up. Now with ana I have this intense, morbid, crazy fear of gaining weight. I have to FORCE myself to eat a SALAD! Heres what I ate today: my own fruit salad(100), assorted hard candy/gum/mint(100) and a ham salad(73). I keep reasoning with myself that im not gonna gain any of the weight back that ive lost by eating a salad. Im just wiggin out cuz Im not supposed to sweat heavily with my new tattoo for a lil while so I cant workout as much. I did spend 45 min on the treadmill today. Im down to 138. My size 7's are starting to get that perfect fit again. Now I gotta keep losing weight till they are too big.

Anyways. This is kinda long but Ive been thinking about a lot of stuff late. Someone I thought was a friend told me that she stopped hanging out with me cuz i put myself down all the time. Yes..its called having a mixture of very low self esteem and an eating disorder. Both are gonna cause me to have my ups and downs and be extrememly moody. If she was a true friend she would have stuck by me no matter what...like the friends I have now did. I was actually buying into the bullshit she told me but now Im starting to realize that maybe she wasnt the friend I thought she was.

Anyways. 22 more days till Im at UT! What what hook those horns baby!

About to go listen to some Silverchair and read my bible. Later players!