My spirit weeps tears of inconceivable sadness.

Death whispers my name gently,

Calling me to join in this dance of hate.

Spinning faster,

Falling deeper,

I cry to be free of this relentess turmoil.

But there is no freedom,

Only emptiness, pain, and strife.

Ana and Mia.

Welcome to my life.

*-* 5/4/03

Anyways. I worked out for 45 min this morning. My hair dresser is coming over in like 10 min to give me tips to keep my hair healthy at college. I hope this doesnt take long so I can go workout some more. I have to be 130 by summer. Then we'll see if I want to go lower once I reach that weight. My hips hurt. I have no fat over them(like the only area in my body without fat) and when I sleep on them wrong it hurts like a biatch all day.

My mom and I are gonna go shopping for shoes and a purse. I need to start looking at magazines to see how i'ma do my hair.

"Don't disturb the beast,

the temperamental gold-en snail,

While he's feeding on the rose --

Stay frozen,

compromise what I will I am

been around the wind,

silently thrown about again

I'm treading so soft

and lightly,

compromising my will I am

I am I will,

So no longer will I lay down

Play dead

Play your doe

in the headlights,

locked down and terrified

Your deer in the headlights,

shot down and horrified

When push comes to pull,

comes to shove,

comes to step around

This self-destructive dance that never would have ended

'Till I rose, I roared aloud,

Here, I will I am

I am I will,

So no longer will I lay down

Play dead

Play this..

Beat down,

gun-shy,

martyr,

pitiful,

I rose, I roared,

My will, I am"

Wohoo! I'm updating. I did get a chance to workout a second time but not for long...only 30 min. And then I went to ignition which was cool. We just played games. Im about to go write in my book diary b/c i know if I say how im really feeling right now I might upset someone. Damn this public online diary lol ;)