Hands grabbing food from here

From there,

From anywhere my greedy hands can find.

Stuffing the gaping hole

So aptly named my mouth

Futliley trying to satisfy a never ending desire.

Thirst, hunger,....

Getting up painfully full...

I lean over and let everything spew...

Anger, frustrations, lonliness, saddness

But most of all food...

Yet something catches my eyes

Red.

Panic, fear, terror, worry grasp a hold of me..

A glimpse in the mirror confirms my horror.

Blood...

Trickling from my nose.

I grab tissue and try to stop the bleeding.

While continuing to pay homage to my porcelein god.

Sad isnt it?

*sigh* my nose has never started bleeding before. The sadest part is that I was most scared that I wouldnt be able to finish purging. Maybe everyone was right. Maybe I should be put into a residential home for a few months. I have gotten better with the purging though, from about 2-5 times per day to once a week. But thats only becuase I restrict the other six days. Im losing weight. Probably b/c that one day i do b/p i dont eat anything else and workout out twice extra hard. Like today I went in the morning and I just got back....burned about 800-900 cals total. My body is wrecked. I further poison it with diet pills. I have decided that I would rather be a fat person who is happy and accepts her body than a thin person with an eating disorder. How ironically...ironic.